officially overdue.

Officially overdue but remembering to enjoy these last moments that are just for James and I.  
Tea drunk at five in the morning when bump insomnia becomes too much.  
Another growth scan, which despite stressful, let us see our baby's hair and long legs.
These final evenings in which we are still able to cook together.
A nighttime ritual of chamomile tea (for me) and reading in bed cosy quiet.
The final few days I can eat half a baguette and peanut butter in one sitting and hide the swollen stomach behind the bump!

radio silence.

sorry for the silence, still no baby just a lot of fatigue and sleepy days.  We had a false alarm on Sunday night, seven hours of painful cramping and a rock solid stomach that felt so promising all ceased at five in the morning leaving me tired and without having met baby.  Since then frustration of waiting has stepped up a notch, every morning I wake just hoping that today is the day.
so I shall continue with the raspberry leaf tea, the spicy curries and the wishful thinking a little while longer. 

pregnancy // the last haul, 37 weeks.

So bump and I are nearing the end of this time, baby boy is officially at term.  Clearly we could still be in this together for a few more weeks but it is a nice thought that I could be meeting him any day now.  

Baby boy started his 37th week with a bit of drama and a scare.  Firstly I must prefix this story with - everything is absolutely fine. 
See, this bump is a night time bunny, every time I lie down to go to sleep he starts his break-dance routine in style.  Sunday night however was different, he barely shifted position.  Throughout the night I became more and more aware of his silence.  By the time James' alarm went off at 5:30am Monday morning, I hadn't felt him move for almost 10 hours and I was a crying mess trying to explain to James that I thought something was wrong. 
James was perfect, he phoned the midwives to ask them what to do, then phoned his work to let them know he wouldn't be in.  The Bristolian Midwives are wonderful, Bristol is the place to be for pregnant people; they reassured James at length, told him to make me tea and toast first, then to make our way over.  

We drove in through the inner-city traffic, both trying to be calm, reassuring one another.  The twenty minute wait in the hospital felt eternal.  Eventually the midwife called my name and bump was strapped into the monitors.  There was a lurching few seconds where she was unable to find a heartbeat then bump clearly decided enough was enough and he was bored of being quiet.  What followed was a slightly embarrassing 30 minutes of monitoring - bump moved so much the straps barely stayed in position and the sensors couldn't keep track of his heart beat.  The midwife commented she had never tracked a baby quite so active during one of these appointments.  During the scan of the umbilical (checking it is receiving adequate bloodflow) he actually did a 360 spin.  A full turn.  It took forever.  I struggled to stop tearing-up through the whole thing; tiredness, hormones and overwhelming relief and gratitude.

Baby boy is fine, he is well and healthy, he is developing normally.  We are so lucky.  

a babyshower.

This weekend I got totally spoilt.  My old school friends turned up en masse (something we are lucky to manage once a year) bearing gifts and banoffee pie for a babyshower.  I hadn't really considered a babyshower - them being an American phenomenon and me being a British bunny, I figured it wouldn't apply to me.  Turns out I have pretty good friends!



A prolonged lunch and catch-up was followed by afternoon tea and cake at Cox & Baloney (including the best lemon and Earl Grey cake) then, following our return in the evening, James and I were made dinner in our own kitchen - literally the best kind of decadence!



And the gifts!  Oh my gosh.  Whilst baby boy now has ridiculously adorable baby clothes to look forwards to (I totally take back my boy stuff just isn't as cute complaint), I was spoilt with handmade earrings made my friend's mother (you never get too big for earrings!!) and a bottle of Prosecco with Babycham flutes to enjoy after the baby boy has arrived.  And, incredibly, my talented friend Jess (who blogs over at Jungle Noises) actually sewed a quilt - like, a whole actual quilt!  I can't imagine how long that must have taken!

So so spoilt :)

2013 the baby shower

2006 (quite a while ago) the first group picture ever - taken on holiday (the various men in this picture have all since been forgotten)!

pregnancy // 35 weeks and white trees.

We just had a three day weekend!  And by we, I clearly mean James, but despite my hardcore seven-day-weekender status, I was still excited.  A whole three days off meant that James finally caught up on enough sleep to be convinced to go on a small explore around the new neighbourhood.  
Despite living only about a mile out from central Bristol I am constantly impressed by how much outside space there is.  Like, proper actual real life outside space, with birds and bugs and stuff.  I know Bristol isn't huge as cities go but it is still pretty impressive - Cardiff had large, well cultivated parks but nowhere you could walk without threat of being hit by a frisbee.



This is Eastwood Farm Nature Reserve; apparently it used to be the last dairy farm within Bristol City limits but it closed in 1971.  I didn't know this pre-exploring, I was just impressed with the white trees - which, after ~20minutes with my Complete Guide to British Trees and a lot of googling, I think are White Poplar trees.  They looked strangely frosty on such a sunny day.



and here, snuck in at the end is a glamourous shot of James (chivalrously carrying my handbag) and one of me and bump.  James tried to take a couple pictures but the ordeal was curtailed by my minor strop which included a few hormonal tears and a balanced, well constructed argument about my large size and the likelihood that if I was to require medical attention in the near future, the emergency services would have to demolish the door and winch me out using a series of pulleys and ropes.  I may have over-reacted.  Especially as now I quite like the picture he took.

baby boy: nursery thoughts.

Rationally I know that baby bump won’t notice or care what the nursery looks like, especially as he won't even be sleeping in it for the first few months, but it bothers me that his first room is basically a glorified utilities-cupboard.  It can be hard in rented home, especially a relatively short term let where spending money on paint and carpets would be foolish, to make a place seem like a home.  This seems to apply more for the nursery than any other room in the house; I would love to be able to paint the walls like my mum did for me and my brother growing up.  

D and I were both born at home in a tiny cottage surrounded by fields.  When we had to leave to move to the town, we were devastated.  Mum was wonderful though and worked so hard to make us a new, special place in the large, unloveable town house.  My bedroom was painted with a night scene at one end with a large moon and bats painted around the window, D had a green bedroom with strange aliens peering from behind the radiator and the side of his bed.

I wish baby bump could grow and play in a room that he knew was painted, with love, just for him.  As this is not possible I have been putting my efforts into small projects in an attempt to create a space that feels a little special.

This moggy was knit using a Donna Wilson pattern.  Whilst I know that he is unlikely to pick my lovingly handmade toy as his future favourite (growing up all nice toys paled in comparison to the one a family friend gave me from a Happy Meal) I can pretend that he may one day be appreciative! 

34 weeks pregnant.

James and I have nearly completed our NCT classes now and, for me, meeting women of a similar girth has been great!  Being the first one of my friends to get pregnant has been a little scary - other than my mother and google (and seriously, never, ever google anything in pregnancy, it gets dark) I have lacked people to direct my endless, naive questions and need for reassurance at.  Meeting other expectant first-time mums has helped so much - some of them even managed to ask questions more daft than mine!  
I was surprised on the first day to find that James and I are considerably the youngest in the NCT class and we both had others in the group "discretely" ask whether or not we planned this pregnancy!  At 24 I am always surprised when people ask us that; 24 feels like a very reasonable age to start a family (even my Nonna approves)!  We are also the only couple in the group planning a homebirth, so all round we have failed to blend in!

What is the internet for if not for sharing slightly awkward, semi-undressed, grainy pictures of your stomach? 

Anyway, baby boy is a whole 34 weeks and 4 days brewed.  These pictures were taken last week, I thought then that my tummy couldn't stretch much further, but comparing these pictures to the size of bump today it is pretty clear that baby boy is still acing this growing thing.  I regret not taking more bump pictures.  Sometimes it feels like I have been pregnant for years and my stomach has always occluded my view of my feet but then a picture shows the difference that a couple weeks has made to my body and I remember how far those daily, imperceptible changes have taken baby boy and I.  
As we have grown, sleep has become a thing of the past.  I am spending my days in a cosy, tired fug.  I am so grateful to not be working at this time, being able to snatch five minutes of doze on the sofa throughout the day keeps me ticking over.  It is a charmed time; drinking tea, reading, knitting, singing to bump and waiting for the next stage to begin.

Dear baby boy; at the end of the second trimester...

Dear Bump, you and I have officially entered the third trimester.  I thought the second trimester would last an eternity; starting out with  nothing but a flat(ish) tummy and a grainy picture to prove you existed, but wow I was wrong.  The weeks have flown and you have achieved so much!

You are no longer just bump but you have earned the grand title of baby-boy-bump (how it irritates your grandparents that they do not know your name yet).  You wake me up every morning with your wiggling and I fall asleep watching my tummy pulsate under your kicking.  On good days I get to enjoy a post-lunch wriggle as well.  Every day you grow a bit more and my waistband digs in just a little further; I am entering the dangerous zone of exclusive legging wearing!  I know I have a long way to grow yet but I still marvel at how my reflection has changed when I catch sight of myself in shop windows or car doors.

For me the second trimester has been easy and straightforwards; I have been happy and healthy and only missing brie and wine a little bit!  As we have been getting closer to the third stage of this pregnancy I have been more tired but with my family all around, I have been spoilt with more cups of tea than I will ever be able to repay.

Well done baby-boy-bump, keep up the good work!

And, oh my gosh, I am so excited to meet you.

(NB: I am back in the world of the laptop, sadly without photoshop (boo) but back nonetheless)

Preparing for baby boy: ethical clothing.

At 26 weeks, with only 14 weeks left to go, I am starting to actually consider what on earth I need to buy for baby bump.  With essentials such as car seats and cots, clothing kinda fell off my radar.  I mean in general I don't buy many clothes - don't get me wrong, I am a sucker for a new dress, but with limited funds and a dislike of high-street ethics, new clothes are a rarity in this household.  However I fully accept that baby boy will need to be clothed!

(As I am typing this, baby boy is wriggling and kicking away, I like to think his ears are burning).

Currently I plan primarily to buy second hand for baby boy.  Local charity shops always seem to have boxes filled with baby clothes and eBay has huge volumes of second hand clothing sold in 'bumper packs'.   Reusing is always better than buying new, especially for babies as they get such little wear of clothing before they outgrow it.  However I am secretly hoping to buy baby boy maybe just one or two little things, just for him.  Whatahippocriteright?  
So below are my favourite pieces of ethical and endearing (no-tacky slogans or cartoon monkeys for this boy) clothes for a baby boy.

1. Sture and Lisa foxes body from Love It, Love It, Love It

2. Bobby Knitted Jumper from Tootsa MacGinty  (I love this brand as almost all their clothes are designed to be unisex - no sparkly princesses or sludgy boy colours)

3. Buzzy Bee Gown from Frugi

4. Sandy Bay popover jacket also from Tootsa MacGinty

5. Bear Naked onesie from Hatley Store (just omgosh adorable)

6. Ivor Spider boys tights from Slugs and Snails (tights for boys are a genius idea, I also love love the ghosts print)

7. Stegasaurus Playsuit from IndiaCoco

8. Aubrey All Over Sweatshirt also from, you guessed it, Tootsa MacGinty

And if the highstreet is still your preferred shopping place, I have included is ethical consumer's guide to ethical childrens' clothes on the highstreet.

Other links (for UK shoppers) include:

• Moral Fibres - ethical kids clothing round up
• The Guardian - Top 10 ethical places to shop for children's clothes
• The Ecologist - Five of the best eco-friendly fashion brands for kids

If you know of any others, please let me know! 

Dear baby boy (at 24 weeks).

Oh baby boy how you have grown in the last couple weeks.  After so many weeks of waiting for you to show yourself, I now find myself thinking maybe you should pace yourself a little, you still have 16 weeks to go.  This week has been wonderful, you have started to kick so much when your Dad sings to you, which we are assuming to be a sign that you like it and not a request for him to stop.

I'm getting pretty excited to meet you baby boy, I'm just sorry that you are missing the butterflies and the long grass that we are enjoying so much this year.  Perhaps next year?

Preparing for a baby boy: Toys

Baby boy bump is now a whole 23 weeks old and I feel like I wake up every morning able to see slightly less of my toes!  As yet I have done very little to prepare for the actual arrival of bump (it is still early days right)?  Although bump became a real baby in our minds the day we found out he was a boy and we enjoyed the initial honeymoon phase, discussing names and imagining what kind of boy our babe might become, when we started to look at the necessary clothing and nursery supplies we felt significantly underwhelmed.

Don't get me wrong, after six years of studenthood and as yet not in employment, we are not able to spend a whole lot on baby.  I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful, generous family who have already donated cots, clothes and other essentials and I am sure that baby won't give a damn what he wears, but I still felt surprised at the difference that exists between that available for baby girls vs baby boys.  

So I have embarked on a mission to find quirky, boy-appropriate (without falling too far into the traps of gender-stereotyping) goods that go beyond firetrucks and train motifs.  Below are a selection of toys that I have fallen a little in love with....

 A selection of my favourites from Armadillo Dreams, I think the 'where does honey come from' set (top left) is my favourite.

I adore these beautifully surreal toys from the Watermelon Cat Company, especially the Circus Strongmen (to be honest, baby or not, these are on my wishlist).

I love these knitted softies from Colette Bream, especially the dress up tails!

I thought these origami mobiles from Kidivist were just wonderful.  

I am fond of all the slightly disturbing critters from LuckyBoySunday but especially Balthazar (far left)

Anyone out there with baby boys who had similar concerns?  Or, even better, any suggestions?

Dear baby boy (at 22 weeks)

Dear baby boy, 22 weeks and making your presence known at long last.  You have been a bit quieter the last few days and, now I realise, putting all your energy into growing - your small bulge has emerged as a bump over such a short amount of time.  I couldn't be prouder, good work.  It must be all the sunshine we are getting.

meet the baby boy.

Despite what felt like an eternity of waiting, we have finally gone for baby scan number two.  Baby looks healthy and, well, perfect, plus being able to see baby wriggle was magical; all kicking legs and flailing arms.  In fact the little bugger wriggled so much the scan took double the allocated time and the poor sonographer began to look quite flustered, to think baby is already a trouble maker! 

And, quite unequivocally, baby is a boy.  James and I thought he would be all along, but it is nice to be proved right!  

So I am officially over the half way mark now and finally starting to look pregnant not just a little chubby.  And please excuse the shoddy mobile phone picture, I am sans a scanner and that little ear is just too perfect not to share.

So good to be back!

Hello little blog, I am so excited to be back! 

After six years of study (30+ exams, 40+ assignments, 7 houses and 1/4 of my life) I have finished my degree.  Okay, I am being a little pre-emptive, I am still waiting on results day, but for the time being I am reveling in the luxury of still being in my PJs at lunch time!  Technically this still counts as studenthood, not unemployment, until the 19th of July.

James is sadly working in London for the next few weeks but the weekends, without revision, are looking good.  (The gratuitous chicken shots are of my mum's new chuck - Ginger, the world's tamest chicken, she's just so huggable).

Okay, okay and now meet the future edition to our family...

Now a whole 16 weeks old!

The last few months have not been dull!  And it is nice to see you all again.