dear baby boy, at 15 weeks.

My baby boy is fifteen weeks already.  Incredible.
There was a time between newborn and now that I found this hard.  So unbelievably hard.  I craved to have back the tiny sleepy newborn and struggled with this robust, dynamic baby that had endless needs and means of communicating them quietly.  The initial influx of support and attention had dried up and James had gone back to work.  I felt like everyone's lives continued but mine remained on pause.

Then one day I woke and it wasn't hard anymore.  Challenging - oh yes, but not hard.  I could never wish back my sleepy newborn when faced with this talkative, lively and ever changing baby.  

Our lives have changed so drastically over these 15 weeks.  Faelen's face now lights up when he spies me, whether I have returned to his cot after his long morning nap or have only left the room for a couple of seconds. I wish more than anything I knew what he is telling the washing machine and what exactly is so funny about the black picture frame.  His aggressive hand chewing has been replaced in preference for a more serene sucking on his right forefinger and recently he has started to use all his concentration on putting any found object in his mouth (although his aim requires improvement).  He fights sleep like its his job and he demands to be sat upright throughout the day; I imagine that perhaps he hates to miss a single moment of the world./

And best of all, Faelen laughs, the most insane giggle I have ever heard.  Like we used to for his smiles, we work so hard to earn those laughs.  He is a boy who adores rough and tumble already, nothing amuses him more than pretending to drop him, over and over.  For the first time in my life I have defined arm muscles!  

My days with Faelen are sometimes long, always challenging but endlessly rewarding.   All day long I catch myself staring with no other thought in my mind besides 'I adore this boy'.