10 Jan 2013

Worries vanish, within my dream.

Jai 1

There has been a couple days of silence on this blog and I have been thinking a lot about this blogging thing.  I find at the moment it feels like a constant balancing act, what to share, what to leave out, what is relevant and what is intrinsically personal and mine.  But I have begun to realise that this level of thought, criticism and analysis that goes into each post some how sucks the soul out of what I am trying to say and dilutes the emotion I feel behind what I am writing.  It is funny how much an imaginary audience can give you stage fright.

Kenfig Sands 6

Yesterday, following a moment of childish frustration, James gathered up the piles of revision I was slamming about on the table and made me get into the car.  He packed a picnic and new music for the stereo, the shrimping net and his surf board and a pile of books and drove me to the sea.
Weighed down with the bags, we walked the two miles through the dunes.  By the time I could hear the water roaring, my sense of perspective was returning and by the time James unveiled the hidden Thermos of tea, I simply felt silly that anything as insignificant as an exam could shake me.  When in front of the ocean drinking tea and watching the sunset with the man you love, it is impossible to remember how anything else could ever have seemed important.

Kenfig Sands 5

And in five months time I will be done with this.  In five months time I will have qualified and James will be a doctor.  In five months time we will have a new home in a new city, and where ever that city is, it will be home.  Heck, in five months I will probably miss this era of my life but for today, I am simply grateful for the sea, for James, for beetroot, pearl barley + olive salad and for the tiny fish that was the only thing we caught with the shrimping net that day.

Kenfig Sands 2

(and don't worry, he was promptly released).

10 comments:

  1. Drinking tea and looking at the sea seems like the perfect reality check :)

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    1. Oh it really was. You just can't beat the simple things :)

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  2. I think I know where you're coming from. I'm (hopefully) finishing up my PhD in spring but somehow it feels like it's impossible and the world is melting down. It's both the weight of getting everything done and the fact that everything is going to change. But getting in the car and taking a day off sounds like the perfect thing.

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    1. Yes - working when your brain reaches that melting point is just negative time, a break and a breather is so much more productive in the longterm. Good luck with your PhD, it sounds like we are in the same boat :) x

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  3. Such a beautiful post. It really is tough, doing what you don't want to do, in order to get where you want to be. It'll be worth it in the end!

    Sabrina
    http://bbutterflybrain.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you :) I do hope you are right, otherwise I will be well narked after this amount of work! x

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  4. I feel the same way about the balancing act and am feeling that with my blog, still finding my way in what I want and I already want to change the direction of it. But I suppose that's the fun in life- growth and constant change. It's exhilarating!

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    1. Yeah, it is hard sometimes, but as you say, pretty exciting! Your blog though is showing so many signs of change and progress though - I have been enjoying watching it grow :)

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  5. I'm glad you let the fish go! He is probably the cutest fish I have ever seen.

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    1. Yup, thank you Joe for your wonderful contribution once again!
      Although yes, pretty darn cute fish, it was all small and flippy :)

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